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So I dance on sin's salty rim. I have to remind myself of Satan's scent, vowing everyday never to return to that life.Read More
Hey there. I have haven't written on my own site now for almost two months. No excuse, but life changes have been happening. I managed to celebrate my sobriety months lately only with picture posts on Facebook. But it's not like me not to write. So on this sobriety celebration date I'm looking back the last two months on the things, habits, practices, I haven't been doing. Also peeping at what I have been doing right all along. So here is what I have not been doing on a regular basis.
- Praying and going to Church Less
- Jiu Jitsu Less
- Journal Less
How has my life been without these daily practices? Well my general mood has been affected.. My anxiety has been up daily. My peace of mind feels very unstable, weak and isolated. Phsyically I'm not myself. Ideas, thoughts and conflicts stay in my mind and affect sleep. So by not doing those things above I see the affects and I do plan on rectifying them. But there is solace here. Seriously I can take this would be grave situation and flip over into some light.
I didn't drink...
WIth all my life changes happening the past few months never once did I drink. Boom! Now I have missed taking a shot of tequila big time. But missing it and acting on my impulses are a big difference. They just are. And I'm grateful for the maturity I have shown my self and others these past few months. Had I did drink during this past period I can tell you that it would been adding gasoline to an already strong fire. My relationship with alcohol has always been that for me. I just don't make good decisions under the influence. Lets be honest, I have made horrible choices in the past when it came to drinking. So I walked through the recent flames without any liquid medication and it feel pretty darn good to know that.
Silent Prayers Answered...
God. I know I have been silent but you know my heart. You have tested me beyond prayer and my familiar place of worship. I needed to be challenged in my faith to not only appreciate my spiritual journey but respect those whose paths are different. Sometimes we get bogged down in our own self righteous dogma. I'm reminded of those native american tribes that revered "those people," different that they would have them teach their children. Everyone has a story, I have slowly opened my heart to hear the beat of the many.
A Way of Walking...
The lessons in the dojo really don't matter unless they are practiced out in the world. I have had several life situations happen to me recently so I know this ideal to be true. My Mother had to go to the hospital. I was reprimanded on how I handled the situation initially. Instead of engaging in an already tense situation, I chose not to. And at the end of the day my Mother was very happy with my behavior and help. Now I don't use this example to get a pat on the back but to show you that even in the most emotionally invested situations we can find ourselves in, I was able to detach from my selfish impulses and be there for a higher cause. A stress free recovery for my Mother. I think now any other decision made would have added stress to all involved. Self control and respect lead to peace of mind.
Write that Shit Down...
Now I put up "journal less," but that does not mean I have been writing less. I just haven't been writing for myself. I recently got hired to write a new short film and I am in love with the project. The processes of writing in this format has been challenging yet pleasant. This is the first time I am using a research "Bible," for the story and character. So a little structure is great! Finally I suppose writing this blog today is a step into "journaling more." I hope these words help to anyone who may read them. God bless and see you on down the road.