I sit here, early Austin morning. At a local cafe, hammering out the last pages of a script and I realize it's the 21st of the month. Not a birthday, not a bill due, well those are everyday right? No, it's the day I gave up drinking. It was August 21st, 2015. 20 months, wow.
This past month has been very painful for me. Very. Yes, I feel pain and hurt as well. Looking back the past 20 months, I see where I have excelled and where I have stumbled. With that, I still didn't touch a drop. So to those people who I have done a wrong by during my sobriety, I ask for your forgiveness. Understand if you can, we are doing the very best with what have on any given day. Beyond that I ask that you look within your own heart today. How is it? Why do i ask?
I ask the Lord every morning to purify my heart and strengthen my purpose. I love my heart, vulnerable and romantic as it is. If i can begin the day realizing this, chances are, a fine day it tends to be. (Like the Yoda phrasing?)
Now back to these past 30 days. With the many challenges that I face, I never lost my faith. This realization was most important during this time. Was I unhappy? YES. Angry? YES. Tired? YES. Alone? Never. And this thought got me through it all. I'm in fact still walking through a lot of adversity, Let me tell you when so much is being thrown at you, or seemingly falling apart, all you can do is be mindful on how you respond. Yes, how we control our actions.
Based on this, I have done vey well these past days. I learned that my actions have been honest and on point. I also found solace in my faith. There is proof to prayer. Verbally asking for help works. I don't want to sound like a pamphlet or an idiot, but relying on my plan ruined me, for years and years. God's plan for me is much more rich and loving.
So all is not lost. Quite the opposite. In any journey, you love and lose, you hurt and rejoice. But it's your journey to have and respect. Rumi said "The cure for pain is in the pain." Amen. I would like to add that knowing your particular pain can expedite the cure. See y'all down the road.