I sniff people's drinks. I do. Beer, or mixed, no matter. I'm intrigued by the long gone tastes of them. I'm amazed by my "spidey," sense of smell. It's really quite heighten now, 18 months deep into my sobriety. The other night my girlfriend made a vodka mint tea mixed drink. I asked if I could inhale a whiff. "Too much mint tea right?" She asked after my nostrils did their job. No, I could smell that vodka right away. So close to the fire's flames, my life on the edge of reason and uncontrolled emotions, that's where i am happy. On the edge of a glass rim, I can breathe. I can be silent, slow down and see what's ahead and how far I have come.
These months and months of no drink has opened up my life to live in the present. I can tell you every word, decision and step I have made has had a lasting impact on others and those who I love. That's just the way it is. Like it or not. I have repented from the drink. Done made the u turn to the bar and away in the other direction. All I can tell you right at this moment is that I can hold my fists away from the concrete blood of anger. Barely, barely I can see temptation's light, understand it's meaning and turn away. My Pastor eloquently describes Repentence just as that. A U TURN away from what sin got you to where you are. The hole, the pit or personal hell that shackles you can be tamed.
So I dance on sin's salty rim. I have to remind myself of Satan's scent, vowing everyday never to return to that life. As I said before, this earthly shuffle makes me so aware of my everyday actions. God has shown me amazing mercy comes to mind right now and lately. Even in defeat, I see his hand in my life. And maybe that's the difference here. Before I was so angry with God that I cared not his influence in my life. Now, all I see are lessons upon lessons. I almost have to shut off my "spidey sense" from his glory. Sounds lofty? Perhaps, but that's my path today. My truth. My beauty and horror, and I'll take ugly honesty over a pretty lie every time. I have to or else I'll die. Perish into the abyss of drunken misfortune.
Men, always I'm with you, see y'all down the road.