It's been while. For some time now, that I have not lifted a pen, touched the keypad or read any of my own work. Time being now over a month since my last post. An"age" in the life of an artist, an actor and writer. Time took over me.
I had great travels with my girlfriend and then upon my return I got violently ill, took almost two weeks to let the sickness and recovery phase to run its course. Then work engulfed me. But surely, I could have still written during that time. Busted out the journal, scribbled a few lines a day while laying for hours in my bed, couch and front porch. What was wrong with me?
Besides posting about my sobriety, which I readily admit to be at times became repetitive in the subject matter, I was starting to focus on a new project. The short film I wrote, Georgie Pants, is all ready to shoot. It's a tight script, location is set, I even got some amazing b-roll of Austin thunder storms and landscapes befitting for the short. But I got paralyzed in fear. I mean I have not acted regularly in years. I know what it takes to pull off a great performance and I have a legitimate fear of failing on this important point. What should I do? Terminate the entire project? Cast and direct another actor in this project? FEAR GRIPPED me hard. As it has in the past, keeping me out of the light of my own worth and potential. But I learn from my fear.
Fear motivates honestly. When I'm not honest, I completely disconnect myself from life. People, places and events don't concern me, nothing really does when in that hole of fear. What's a shame is that the artist in me likes the isolation, I can be enchanted with the darkness never needing to see the sun again. I am speaking both figuratively and literally. But the benefit now I see in the writing of this blog will no doubt liberate me from my isolation. Prompt confidence and even action on a creative project. That is my sincere hope.
So I needed this time away, to do nothing, be fearful and even be thrilled by other tales of hopelessness. There is nothing wrong with fear, it's what we do after the admission. Wow it feels amazing just to type again. I love putting into words my thoughts. It's a gift I intend to use it more. See you on down the road.