It wasn't until very recently that I found out why I had permanent scars on my wrists. During my whole life, when discovered, people would assume I tried to kill myself. No, I was just in the hospital alot as a small kid. Well that wasn't the truth either. Turns out I was severely dehydrated as a baby and was taken to the hospital. There I would rip the IV needles out. Hence the lasting scars.
When I was around 5 or 6 my Father took me to the San Diego Zoo. Driving from Los Angeles, I remember the dash board being incredibly massive. I believe I was scared but did feel safe with my Dad who was visiting from Arizona. I know I was missing my Mom. Was he trying to kidnap me? I don't know but I was in a wonderful fear of him and happy at the same time. I wanted both Mom and Dad to be in my life. That's all I knew.
My Mother rand the cool water on top of my bloody skull. I had spliced open my scalp when landing on the sidewalk cement in front of our East L.A. home. I must have been 6 at the oldest. I had assumed you could place a Slip n' Slide anywhere, add water and run. Little did I know that you are suppose to only slide on the grass. Mom's strength to hold me while running water through my hair still stirs in me. The memory is always reinforced when I run my fingers along the base of my skull. I feel the bone bump and the harden scar that won't go away.
Late 70's. East LA I'm crying, bleeding and my Great Uncle Titi is wiping off my face. Back, way back of the house, past the mechanic's garage he made. Past the cement created aquarium built into the ground, where only old, eye bulging goldfish dared to live. Past the pigeon coups my primos had. So many turns and places to hide he wiped my face. I was once again beaten up by one of the block's best fighters. No doubt a good will gesture on my primos part to beat the "gay" out of me. My Uncle Titi, with his massive bronze chest, comedic grin and ancient eyes said, "They say a man isn't a man if he cried, I say he is cause he can."
These are my memories, only some, of my angelic youth. These are the earliest proof that I am indeed human and I exist. See you on down the road.