Daze of Sobriety.
A man’s honest quest to live a clean and spiritual life.
I remember asking an old roommate, who owned the house I was staying at, if I could extend my lease with him a few years back. This was the beginning of a very challenging time in my life, so having a stable house was a high priority during that chaotic day to day existence. Dean, my ex-roommate, was a very sweet and generous man, I’m sure he still is. Well he looked at me and said, very as a matter of fact, “Let me pray about it.”
What the fuck? Pray on it? I needed an answer right then and there. Life was nuts and I had to take care of my shit Dean! So I faked the funk, smiled back and said “Sure man, take your time.” I went into my room screaming inside. “Pray to God,” about letting me stay on a little longer? I mean come on, live in the real world buddy. So yeah I was mad. Dean knew what an ordeal I was going through. I mean, how could he be so insensitive? If he was a real Christian, wouldn’t he automatically say yes? “Please stay Paul, you are always welcomed.” That’s the “Godly” way Dean!
Let me backup. Around 2009, I had abandoned God and been very mad at him for some time. My dreams of acting, fame and stardom did not good to plan and God was to blame, right? I gave my life to the craft, since a boy to adult, but had only a handful of TV bit roles and secret drinking problem to show for it. In 2005 I had took a job in a small TV market to squeeze out a few more years of fame and work. But that job had even went away. I was on empty, career and spirit. But I was still driven by the ego. My ego and pride was always on the hustle for the best angle. My self preservation was all that mattered and God, Jesus and for sure praying was not even in my vocabulary. I was my “own God,” and I had done a horrendous job at guiding myself in life.
Now I want to skip forward ten years to the present time. two years and over eight months being sober. I was at a meeting recently, 12 step program, of people had over 10, 20 to even 40 years of Sobriety. As I was listening to people speak on the 3rd step, I realized that over time I have slowly yet surely have been going to God with small to major decisions in my life. From stuff that comes up daily, I asked God to guide me and lead me. I got out of the way for what’s best for me. I “let go and let God.” This took years of insightful work. Nothing meaningful happens over night, God shows this to me everyday.
During that meeting I thought about Dean and his “Let me pray about it,” moment and all I could do was smile. Big grin. A huge realization came to me that I had become Dean.
Yes everyday I pray on the daily issues that arise. I ask to guide me, inspire and motivate me to do God’s will. Like I said before my will got me nowhere spiritually and not far in the world. So the next time you ask a favor from someone and they answer you with “Let me pray about it,” Tell them please! And ask them to pray for you as well.
Who knows, I’m time, maybe one day we can all end up like Dean who in the end let me stay on only after some thoughtful prayer and meditation. God bless you for that man. See ya’ll down the road.
Jesus, Virgin and Buddha, pray for me.